The Reality of Social Tours (From a Social Tour Veteran)
I would like to preface this chapter by saying that its intent is only to inform those considering the "Social Tour" method of some of the things that happened to me personally while attending these functions, some of my observations and the views and opinions of many of the clients that I have worked with who have previously attempted to find their bride using the Social Tour method. I am not the ''burning bush" so to speak, but I have attended many socials before starting my own company, which endorses the one-on-one method of meeting potential ''Bride Candidates." I have also spoken to and worked with many men who have relayed their stories and opinions to me, positive and negative, regarding this method of finding their "Russian Bride."
Although it seems like a reasonable enough way to meet a woman, there are many inherent problems with these socials that invite large numbers of women. The most basic of which is, let's face it; most of the men who are attending these tours, for one reason or another, have had problems finding ''Mrs. Right." Putting a man who is shy around women or who has traditionally, for whatever reason, not done well with women, in a room full of them can be very intimidating to him. I have seen more than one man go into his shell and not meet anyone at these socials, simply because he does not do well in these types of situations. For the most part, the tour hosts are not going to take your hand and make you introduce yourself to anyone, its pretty much up to you to work up the courage to make your own introductions to the women that you are attracted to or have one of the interpreters do it for you upon your request. Time and time again I have seen men fall back on the same insecurities and subconscious assumptions that have made them unsuccessful with women in the past. Although Russian women are different from American women in many ways, they are similar to them in that, in a social situation, they will be attracted to the most outgoing and confidant men. Thus, if you have traditionally not done well in social situations, chances are, you will probably not do well in these situations either.
Although Russian women are certainly more approachable than American women, many men will ultimately talk themselves out of introducing themselves to a woman that could be the woman he has searched for all of his life. In addition to this, I have seen many men with fragile egos become withdrawn and dejected if the first woman that they converse with is for whatever reason not interested in him.The following are some more things that you need to know about and consider before you take one of these large company social tours. Let's start with the socials themselves.
Socials can create awkward situations
Because of the nature of these social events inevitably someone, either yourself or one of the ladies, may either be embarrassed or have their feelings hurt. I saw it happen time and again. When you attend a social, there will more than likely be many women there who want to attract your attention and conversely there will be many women there that you would like to meet. Because you are in a social atmosphere and there are many eyes on you, your every move will be scrutinized by the women who want to meet you.
Most tours that I have been on will give you naive and inaccurate instruction on how to handle yourself at a social, which can make matters worse yet. On each tour I have been told to employ what I like to call the "Honeybee" technique by my tour hosts. This is a technique which suggests you talk to a woman for about 20-30 minutes, take her picture and get her contact information and then move on to the next woman until you meet every woman that you want to meet. I was told that the women at these socials know that you are here to meet more than one woman and that they will understand when you excuse yourself to talk to other women. In theory this appears to be sound advice, however, it is not entirely accurate.
Once a woman has captured your attention enough to get you to sit down with her and an interpreter, more times than not, she does not want to let you go. I have seen many women get upset in this situation even to the point of tears, when the man that she was talking to suddenly wants to go and talk to other women. Conversely, I have also seen men get upset when a woman has shown interest in another man. You will be told by your tour hosts, both on the tour and on their website, that there is little or no competition between the men for women, that there are enough women to go around. This is not true. Not only is there competition between the men for certain women at the socials, but there is even more competition between the men for certain women when visiting the hospitality suite, which I will cover in a later section.
Another problem that can occur once you have chosen to sit with a woman is that there will be other women walking by who inevitably will capture your attention. This is a very difficult situation first of all because of the situation I just described, secondly if you do manage to break away from the woman that you are sitting with, chances are that the woman you saw will either be sitting with another man or worse yet, she has left and you have no way of knowing who she was or how to get hold of her. Even worse still is the situation where there are several men standing nearby that want to meet the woman with whom you are currently conversing. I have even had a guy come up to my table and ask me when I was going to be through with one particular lady so that he could have a "crack" at her (his exact words!).
Socials are often unorganized and ineffective
Speaking of this brings up another inherent problem with socials. There are generally two methods that socials employ regarding keeping track of what women have attended. The first and most common is the method I have just described, "No method." More often than not, if you are not able to physically track down a woman that you have seen at a particular social, during that particular social, you will more than likely not get to meet her unless she attends the next social. As I described above, it has been my experience that your social hosts will not keep track of who was at the social. You might get lucky and describe a woman to your social hosts and have them remember her, but more than likely, because of the sheer number of women attending, this will not happen. You will have no way of finding this woman again unless you have managed to somehow get her contact information. As described in my article "The Pitfalls of Correspondence" the large social tour companies that put on these socials do not know these women personally. They leave it to the local marriage agencies to invite and get these women to the socials and ultimately they are the only ones who know which ladies have attended. Sometimes even they don't know. The problem is, unless you have actually met the woman in question while at the social, you have no way of knowing which local agency she is with or what town she is from. It is a very difficult and frustrating proposition to travel all that way, see a woman who could be "the one," but ultimately never get to meet her because of lack of preparation and organization by the host tour company.
The other method I have experienced is the method in which each woman who attends the social is given a number that she has to wear and then the women are paraded in front of the men like cattle, one by one. In my opinion this is a more effective method of keeping track of the women who have attended the social, but is embarrassing and degrading to the women attending. It's kind of like going to a "market of brides." Not a very appealing story to tell your grandchildren in my opinion.
In addition, at most socials I have attended women are allowed to come and go as they please, so many women will come and go that you may never even see. A woman who is perfect for you may walk right in, wait for a couple of hours and then leave and you might never even know that she was there, as there is no record, picture or written, of her attendance. So take heed, even if you have met a woman at a social, the only one that is going to make sure that you meet her again is you, by getting her contact information while at the social.
Social + Correspondence (recipe for disaster)
The most common embarrassing situation is one in which a woman with whom you have been corresponding shows up at the social unexpectedly to see you talking with another woman. Typically, most of the women with whom you are corresponding will not show up at all, but in the event that one of them does, she may show up, see you talking with another woman and leave upset because she thought that you had come all this way just to see her. This happened to several of my social tour companions. As outlined in my article "The Pitfalls of Correspondence," a sort of possessiveness takes place on the part of the woman once you have written to her. Allow me to share with you several embarrassing social moments, directly linked to correspondence, from my first social tour that I wish to help you avoid.
The first happened roughly 30 minutes before the first social. All of the men were downstairs in their best dress awaiting our first social. While waiting to go to the social, I was approached by a woman who said that she was an interpreter and that there was a woman in the lobby who had traveled a long distance to meet me. I went with this woman to meet the girl that was waiting for me, but I did not recognize her. It turned out that she was a woman that I had corresponded with briefly before the making the trip. She knew that I was coming on one of the tours in that month so she did her homework and found out which hotels would be housing the tour members. She called both hotels the night before and asked to be connected to my room. When she found the right one she got on a bus and traveled almost four hours to meet me, hoping that she could convince me not to go to the social. This same scenario happened to several men in my tour group and apparently it is a quite common occurrence. This was a situation that I had ever dreamed of and I cannot tell you how awkward it was to have to tell this woman that I was going to the social after she had traveled all that way, albeit unannounced, to meet me. I felt like the worst kind of "rat" even though I had never promised this woman anything. This is the kind of thing that can happen so be aware.
Once the social began, another woman with whom I had corresponded, and who had specifically told me that she would not be attending any of the socials, showed up, walked right up to my table where I was entertaining another lady and began to berate me (in Russian) as if she was my wife or girlfriend who had caught me with another woman, needless to say, a very uncomfortable situation. Another situation is one in which I was out on a date with a woman that I had corresponded with and met at a social and we went to a restaurant where, unbeknownst to me, another woman with whom I had corresponded worked. I will leave the rest up to your Imagination.
Other similar situations involved women with whom I had corresponded standing only several feet away from my table staring at me for long periods of time as I entertained another woman and then leaving in a huff, making sure that I saw her exit.
These were very embarrassing and awkward situations to say the least, but the most disappointing situations were the number of girls with whom I had corresponded, or that I thought had corresponded with that I really wanted to meet, that did not show. Many of these can be attributed to the letter writing scams I describe in my article '''! The Pitfalls of Correspondence." I was however able to find a few of these women and I was told that they new nothing about my letters. That was when I began to put the correspondence "puzzle" together.
The women that attend these socials are not adequately screened Not every woman that attends these socials is really looking for a husband. (I call them serial Socialites'')
Many of the women that attend these socials are not there for the same reason that you are. I have talked to many women at these socials that have told me that they had been compensated in some way to be there or that she was just there to go out on a date with a man to get a free dinner. I even had some women tell me that they were paid to be there. I cannot tell you how many men that I have talked to who have met a woman at one of these socials, taken her out for a night on the town and spent a great deal of money on her, only to find out that she was not even looking for a husband. Some of these women would even invite friends along at the man's expense of course, and then later reveal that she was not really interested in him. Believe it or not, I have even met some prostitutes at these socials. When I went to the tour hosts to tell them, they were already aware of this and just told me to steer clear of them.
One specific instance I recall involving one of these "Serial Socialites" involved a man who later became a repeat client of mine named Jeffrey. Jeffrey and I met on one of the large company social tours and went out on a double date with a couple of women whom we had met at that day's social. J Jeffrey’s date confided in my date that she already had a boyfriend and that she was only there for the dinner and drinks, as her boyfriend could not afford such things. Of course when my date told me this I relayed this message to Jeffrey and our foursome became a twosome shortly thereafter for obvious reasons. The next day we saw this girl at the social looking for her next "date." Of course we warned each man that she approached so she had a tough go of it, but she was able to find another victim from our tour group, as we saw them that evening in a restaurant that we passed while walking dining with the poor guy.
That being said I still believe that many of the women that attend these socials may legitimately be there to find a husband, but there are even some problems with these ladies. Many of the women will be very young and naive and unsuitable to be a wife for anyone even though that is why they are there. Still others are quite a bit older and have been jaded by this whole "social" system, yet still they attend, attitude and defense mechanisms in place.
(Similar to the American dating scene). If I had to make an educated guess Imation of what percentage of women that attend these socials are legitimately there to find a husband, and of those, what percentage are the type that most American men are seeking, based on the fantasies portrayed by pictures of beautiful women and information provided on most social tour and correspondence websites, I would have to say that between 10% to 15% of these women would meet that criteria. So, if there are 300 women at a social, roughly 30 to 45 of them will be the type described on the "fantasy" social tour and correspondence websites, or the perfect bride.
Chosen Venues are often inappropriate or inadequate for the purpose of meeting a woman.
Most of the socials that I have been to were held in nightclubs (during the day), but I have also been to socials held in banquet halls and even one on a boat. If I had to make a choice of the three the boat was the best place, then the banquet hall and nightclubs, where most tour companies will hold their socials come in a distant third. Here is why.
Nightclubs are too dark, too loud, too small and in many cases too uncomfortable for you to effectively seek out a woman from many and reach your ultimate goal of spending quality time with the right person. Let's start with too dark.
How many times have you met a girl in a club and made a date with her, only to realize that she looked completely different in the dark than she did in the light. She might have been thinking the same thing about you as well! It is also very difficult to see everyone if the lighting is poor. A girl that is just your type might be across the room from you, but you are unable to see her well. Next is too loud.
Since more than likely there is going to be a language barrier for the two of you to contend with, adding the pumping sound of "house" disco music is not going to help matters any. On to too small.
The nightclubs that I have been to for most of these socials are generally very crowded with 350-400 people in them. Not to mention that it is difficult to spot someone if people are crowded together. If you are going to hold a social in a nightclub, it should be better lit and the music brought down to about half the level of a normal night at the club.
Banquet rooms are slightly better, but you still have to contend with the fact that you probably will not get to see every woman that is there, much less meet the one that is right for you. At least the lighting is better and the music in not so loud. There are also generally more places (lots of tables) for you to take your lady to talk and get to know her a little better, but there are generally no cozy or secluded places in a banquet room.
As I said, of the three, the boat was the best place to have a large social. I went on a boat social that had roughly 350 women and 40 men. Although most of the inherent problems that come along with socials were present, one was completely eliminated. The boat was on the water for almost 6 straight hours so once you got on you couldn't leave. There was no way for a girl to come, stay a couple of hours and then leave at her discretion. Eventually, if you walked around the different levels of the boat, you would see every woman that was there. Another positive to this particular boat tour was that there was a large room with bench seating and tables reserved specifically as a place to take your girl and an interpreter to get away for the noise and the crowd. Another advantage was the boat itself. Even though you were a captive participant so to speak, and space was limited, if you wished to avoid running into a lady with whom you had previously conversed, there were several levels, decks, compartments and rooms that would allow you to do so. It was much easier than I would have thought to avoid uncomfortable confrontations and awkward moments than at my previous socials. Although I don't recommend the social method, if you are going to attend one, the boat is the best way to go in my opinion.
Understaffed and Unorganized Hospitality Suites
Most tour companies have some form of what they call a "Hospitality Suite." These suites are supposed to take care of all of your date arrangements with ladies that you have met at the socials and from the website of that particular company. This would be a great service if it was organized and properly staffed. However I have yet to see one that matches this description. If you have a woman's contact information that you have met at a social and you want them to arrange a date and interpreter for you that usually works out okay. Keep in mind, this is a girl that you have already met and you know that she is interested. I had very few problems with this. However, it is when you start incorporating women that you have picked out of their company catalog or that you have selected from their web site that the system begins to break down.
The problem is that there are just too many men on their tours for them to help you efficiently. Typically there are anywhere from 40-60 men on these tours and only 3 or 4 staff members in their hospitality suites. Each man makes out his wish list of women from the catalog and web site that he would like to meet and believe me the staff is overwhelmed to say the least, not to mention that you will be competing with 40 to 60 other guys that want
To meet the same 20 women that you want to meet. That's right, although theoretically there should be enough women to go around, you will find that most of the other men, 40-60 of them, will be attracted to and want to meet the same women that you do, the most beautiful and desirable ones, obviously! 15-20 most popular girls, 40-60 guys ... You do the math! The inherent problem is that you can be the perfect guy for this girl, but she may never know about you or that you desire a meeting with her. What I mean is it is usually a first come first serve operation. If 20 of the 60 guys want to go out on a date with one particular girl, your chances of getting to meet this girl are slim unless you are one of the first few guys to get your wish list into the staff of the hospitality suite. The staff will call and set up dates with this girl for the men who request her on a first come first serve basis. The girl does not get to see your picture or anything else about you and unless she has corresponded with you and remembers who you are, she will generally accept dates with roughly the first few men that ask. She does not get to sit down with the profiles of all 20 guys interested in her and pick which ones she would like to go out with.
The system is not generally set up that way. Basically she will receive a phone call from the staff of the hospitality suite telling her that a man is interested in a date with her. She will get a brief description of the man, name, age, occupation etc. and she will have to accept or decline based on that. So as I said, you might be exactly what she is looking for, but you are number 15 on the list, so the girl will never know that you were there, desiring a meeting with her. She can only go on so many dates in 10 days time. This is really discouraging, especially if you have corresponded with a particular girl and she is expecting you to contact her. Unless you have had the foresight to call her through an interpreter service prior to the trip and get her contact information, especially her phone number, or have obtained her contact information through some other source, you could be in trouble. Just to give you an example, on my first tour I gave my hospitality staff a list with roughly 25 women on it, including ones that I had corresponded with. Of those 25 women I was offered one date total. If I had not immediately taken matters into my own hands I would have had a very disappointing trip.
In addition to these types of problems and inadequacies, the large tour companies will have you believe that their hospitality staffs will be able to take care of your special requests and needs. They have a hard enough time just organizing the socials and dates, much less arranging for a girl from out of town to come and visit. Let me give you an example of this. There was one girl in particular that I wanted to meet on my trip and she was from Sevastopol, Ukraine. She and I had written for over 7 months and she was the real reason that I was making the trip. Please understand that being a naive first timer in Ukraine; I was depending on the experience and knowledge of the hospitality staff to help me get her to Odessa for our meeting. According to the sales staff at the company I used, the best way to accomplish this was have a car pick her up in Sevastopol and bring her to Odessa. I was told that this would be no problem to have someone from her local agency arrange to bring her to Odessa, as long as I was willing to pay for her taxi ride and of course I was more than willing. Otherwise I would have made arrangements to travel to Sevastopol myself, but I was told getting her to Odessa was no problem. I wrote to the girl before my trip and told her that I would have a car pick her up on a specific date at a specific time. The first thing that I did upon arrival in Odessa was to address my needs with the staff in the "hospitality" suite. They agreed that it shouldn't be a problem. I made sure that I told them that she was expecting to be picked up on this certain day and time and gave them her address.
They told me not to worry that they would arrange it.
On the morning the girl was supposed to be picked up I checked with the staff and it was obvious that they had not accomplished this task, but they failed to let me know. The girls in the hospitality suite told me that they were unable to find a driver from the local agency. Are you telling me that the people at her local agency could not have arranged for a taxi ride for her? It was obvious to me from the body language of the girls in the hospitality suite that they had just forgotten about the most important part of my trip. Since then I have seen how easy it is to get a taxi from town to town in Ukraine and how eager drivers are to make a nice piece of change for a town to town ride so I chalk this up to either lack of effort or disorganization. I am sure that my girl thought that I had stood her up or lied to her altogether. We tried to send her a telegram to tell her about the mistake, but got no response. Can you blame her? Some others in my tour group had more luck, but still many others had complaints about the understaffing issues and overall lack of organization. Please be aware that these hospitality suites can be helpful, but you must be aware that they are limited as to what they can accomplish and you should not expect too much from them. Staying on top of them and constantly reminding them what you were promised is a necessity. Otherwise you will be lost in a numbers game in which only a few men get the superior treatment that is promised to everyone.
Paying for things that you mayor may not use.
Part of the reason that large tour companies charge so much, most start at around $3400, is that you are paying for things in advance that you mayor may not take advantage of or use. For instance, interpreters at the socials are free however; if you use an interpreter for an extended period of time you are expected to tip her as well, thus paying for her service twice as this is already added to the cost of your tour. Conversely, if you meet a girl at the social that speaks English and you have no use for an interpreter, you are still paying for them in the price of your tour package. Also, most of these tour companies will offer a free breakfast each morning. I think that I took advantage of this only a handful of times combined in all the tours that I took, but I was still paying for it in the price of my tour package. City tours are generally also offered, but it has been my experience that your lady will want to get a private car and show you around herself, again a service that you mayor may not use that is already added to the price of your tour. The hospitality suite is another reason why the tour price is so high. I don't think I need to go into why this is generally not worth the price of admission, but again is included in the cost of your tour package.
Lodging Accommodations
There are two kinds of hotels in Ukraine, really crappy and really expensive. It has been my experience in the tours that I have attended that the hotels in Ukraine are generally far below American standards and you will generally not even be booked in the best ones. In fact I would go so far as to say that most of them our down right nasty. I have yet to go on a tour in which the hotel accommodations were acceptable. Luckily, after my second tour I got wise and began booking my own accommodations. I also found out that I was paying quite a bit more per night in my tour package than I would have been if I had just walked up off the street and booked a room.
Although I do not recommend the "social tour" route, I do not discount them altogether, as I know that there are many men who have found their bride through this method. I think the theory is almost sound, but as in football, execution is everything. |
